Democrat to Republican Switch
Professor N: Yeah, well, you kids may be Democrats now, but you'll be Republicans when you get older. Karen: How do you figure? Professor N: It's simple: Republicans are cold-hearted bastards and...
View ArticleThe Incapable Weatherman
Leslie: Do I need my coat? What's the weather like outside? Rob: Dark. -Why Rob can never realize his dream of being a weatherman
View ArticleMale Fuck Me Boots
"I wish guys had 'fuck me' boots. Guys, I'm wearing my 'fuck me' Pumas tonight." -Kc, on small sexual revolutions
View ArticlePanda Bear Disappearance
Sean: What are you looking at? Curtis: Panda bears! (2 minutes later) Sean: Where did the panda bears go? Curtis: Oh, they all died because they were boring and didn't do anything. -Way too high
View ArticleEvil Jesus vs. Gay Jesus
"Let me paint you a little picture here: crazy dude, dressed like a southern Baptist minister, ranting about Jesus and the evils of pretty much everything... a few yards away, a guy is holding a sign...
View ArticleRedheads Are Now Hot
Andrew: Remember when you used to not think redheads were hot, and had to argue with Brian and myself about that? Jeffrey: No. I believe we were debating specifics about a Disney princess. Andrew: Yes,...
View ArticleThe $5 Bill Blowjob
"Let's find a fucking whore and let her suck a $5 bill out of my dick!" -Andrew, angling for a cheap birthday BJ
View ArticleTequila Insult
Mollie: I can't stand that shit! How can you drink that? Jessica: Don't talk that way in front of the tequila! -On showing better manners
View ArticleHow Many Cats Fit in a Microwave?
"This must be the biggest microwave in existence...you could seriously fit four cats in there!" -Ryan, in his hotel room
View ArticleBad Case of Singer's Ego
"Just 'cause I don't have an ego the size of Manhattan. I mean, Manhattan is pretty small but that's pretty big for an ego." -Jennie, on vocalist egos
View ArticleSleep Peeing
Aaron: Joe, what the fuck are you doing? Joey: I'm pissin' man. Aaron: Why are you pissin' in the middle of the room? Joey: 'Cause we're in San Diego man! -Sleep-peeing in the middle of his ex's dorm room
View ArticleEating Out Contest Loser
Nate: Once at Hooters I did an eating contest and I ate out this 250-pound guy. Hendy: Wait, Nate... slow down, WHAT? Nate: I ate out... shit.... -On failed attempts to brag about winning a contest
View ArticleAnimalistic Human Sex
"Listen! That's not animals...that's people FUCKING!!!" -Elizabeth, franticly in the street...sober
View ArticleMusical Chairs or Drop Out
"Let's play musical chairs. The last one standing gets dropped from the class." -Professor Walba, on cutthroat introductions
View ArticleJesus Survey for Free Sandwich
"Oh man...I have to fill out a Jesus survey in order to get a free sandwich!? Jesus...chicken...Jesus...chicken...Goddamnit!" -Leslie, weighing her options
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